Taking My Own Advice

In talking to my husband this week about how we need to sit down and go over our own documents to make sure he knows what to do in my absence, I pulled everything out of the safe to take a look.  It's so easy for time to go by and before you know it, your information is outdated.

I checked our wills, and while most of it looks good, we have sold a home, and a few things have changed.  I have an appointment to have our attorney review them and see if it's worth revising.  I also want to ask what it takes to put everything in a trust.  I'll let you know what I find out.

I decided that rather than updating my digital copy of "All They'll Need to Know," I'd just start fresh.  It was pretty simple to type the information from my head into the appropriate spaces.  What really helped is that I already have a simple spreadsheet with all of my user names and passwords, so instead of typing each one into the document, I simply cut and pasted that whole spreadsheet in at the beginning of the workbook.  Then, when it asked for bank account and passwords, I simply typed, "See sheet at front of this book."    Easy peasy.

All of our important documents are already in a safe, and the next step for me is to just review them and see if anything's missing.  I'm pretty sure it's in good shape, because I review them frequently.  In fact, it hasn't been long since I scanned each and every one of those documents and saved them on an external hard drive.  I like having it there, instead of in the cloud, just in case I can't access it there.  I also like having it there instead of on my computer in case the computer crashes.  I just want to make sure I have all my bases covered.

So what are you doing while you're restricted in going out?   I've watched way too many movies, organized drawers and closets to the point that I think I know where everything is in this house.  I've played more hours than I can count on Facebook, or looking at Pinterest, and even crocheting a couple of afghans for my daughter, but I'll have to say that last night I went to bed feeling very satisfied that I had tackled this job.   It's one of those tasks that's never really done, but it's as good as it can be today.

I still need to transfer or sell two cemetery plots, and I still need to talk to the attorney.  I also need to sit down with my family and make sure they've at least seen this information once before they try to figure it out from my notes.  Don't get me wrong - I plan to live another 30 years, but if I don't, I sure don't want my family to be left trying to figure it all out.

What about you?

Funeral Ideas

I attended a funeral this week and the talks were so great that I actually took notes so I could go read the full messages.  Here they are.  All can be watched online.

To Die Well - Sterling W. Sill

Two of the most important events in life are birth and death ...

Grateful in Any Circumstances - Dieter F. Uchtdorf

Everyone’s situation is different, and the details of each life are unique.  Nevertheless, I have learned that there is something that would take away the bitterness that may come into our lives. There is one thing we can do to make life sweeter, even joyful, and even glorious.  We can be grateful.

Your Four Minutes - Bishop Gary E. Stevenson

A Latter-day Saint’s pathway to eternal life can be compared to an Olympic athlete’s four-minute performance, said Bishop Gary E. Stevenson.

Music:
Come Unto Christ - LDS Mutual Theme 2014

My friends think that I am obsessed with death.  I am not really too excited about experiencing it, but I'll admit that I'm curious about it.  I also like attending a good funeral where the Plan of Salvation is preached.

Planning a Funeral

My sweet brother in law, George, passed away recently  He'd been in a nursing home for a few years dealing with the effects of  Parkinson's Disease, but then he took a turn for the worse.  On  Monday, Hospice was called in and by Wednesday, he was gone.  It was a blessing  for him, but a terrible loss for the ones left behind.

We made preparations to drive to Kansas City.  I packed my portable office and my suitcase, and we were on the road Thursday morning for the 13 hour drive.

On Friday, we gathered with his wife and children to plan the funeral.   I sat with pen and paper and started  asking questions.  No one knew where to start or what to do.  Fortunately for them, I've had some experience with planning funerals,  so I scribbled an agenda and then filled in the blanks.  They were happy to have  someone just tell them what to do.  When you're grieving, it's just not possible  to think clearly.

Funeral Service  Agenda

Opening Remarks - Thank you for being  here today to celebrate the life of George A. Pierce

Opening  Prayer given by family member

Music - A hymn  chosen by the family and performed by someone the funeral home  provided

Eulogy -  I asked for a copy of the obituary  and then softened it up a bit to work for the eulogy.  I also asked more  detailed questions so we could share more about his life.  (You don't say much  when the newspaper is charging you by the word!)

Invitation -  for friends or family to come forward and share how George touched  their lives.

Music - A little non-traditional, but the  family wanted to play George's favorite country song for him one last time.  We  also thought it would lighten things up and reflect George's sense of humor.   The song was, "She Thinks my Tractor's Sexy," by Kenny Chesney.

Closing Prayer given by a family  member

The End.   The person conducting thanked everyone  for coming and invited them to come to the grave site.

At that point, the  funeral director came in and gave directions on how to exit the building and get  to the grave site.

At the grave site, we wanted a  prayer and to dedicate the ground where he would be put to rest.  We did a  Google search for the "ashes to ashes" scripture and found one in Genesis.

At that point, we dismissed and invited family to join us at the church where a nice meal had been provided for us.

I hope it's a long time before you have to help plan a funeral, but thought I'd  post this anyway.  Maybe it will be helpful to someone.

Rest in Peace,  George

One Week to Live

I guess I'm old enough now that it's not that unusual for people younger than me to be dying! In the past month I've been to a funeral for a 20 year old who died in his sleep from cardiac arrest, another man close to my age just died two weeks after learning he had Stage 4 cancer, and just this week, the son of a friend died in his sleep. Reason for death has not yet been determined. 

While we'd all like to just slip away in the middle of the night, hopefully pain-free and unaware that we've even left this world behind, the passing still leaves a huge void in the lives of those who loved the one who died. I'm the one who's always encouraging people to record the information that will help their loved ones continue after they're gone. While I do believe that being prepared helps remove a huge burden from the family, I believe there are other things that are even more important. Here are a few suggestions. I believe they're listed in the order of importance. 

 1. Get yourself straight with God. If you're carrying the burden of sin in your life, repent and ask to be forgiven. If those sins are of a more serious nature, confess them to your clergy and ask for help. There are steps to be taken. While it's better to ask forgiveness on a daily basis in your prayers, confession at any time means that you recognize your sins and are willing to do whatever it takes to leave them behind. Don't drag them with you to the Pearly Gates. 

 2. Make sure your relationships are in order. If someone has hurt you, go to them and offer them your forgiveness. If you've hurt someone else, let them know you've forgiven them. When my mother was dying, the hospice nurse encouraged us to get it all out while we still could. We spent the next month apologizing and reaffirming our love for each other, and by the time she passed away, both of our hearts were lighter. 

 3. Write letters. Put your feelings in writing. Loved ones appreciate having a piece of you to hold on to after you're gone. If your family is really lucky, you've been keeping a journal that will give them a record of your life. 

 4. Make a video. Some people just can't write. You don't need a script. Just turn on the video and start talking. Your family will love being able to see you and hear your voice when time starts to steal those memories from them. 

 5. Be positive. This isn't the time to tell people what's wrong with them. Give them something positive to hold on to. Let them remember you as someone full of courage -- someone who ENcouraged rather than DIScouraged. 

 6. Make sure you have a will written in the state where you live and that it is current. Don't leave the family fighting over what you've done, but make sure your wishes are carried out by an executor you can trust. If there are minor children, be specific about what you want for them. 

 7. Make sure your life insurance policy has the correct beneficiary. Won't make your current spouse very happy if you forgot to change it after your divorce. 

 8. Plan your funeral. Encourage your family to use this as a celebration of your life. Choose your speakers. Choose the hymns. Pick your casket. Make sure they know if you have a cemetery lot or have already made arrangements. Tell them what you want your headstone to say. One of my personal favorites is, "I told you I was sick." 

 9. Designate who gets what. Let your family know how to distribute your possessions. If Grandma's handmade quilt was promised to Abigail, make sure it's written down. If Susan is the one who's been promised your wedding ring, she'll need more than your verbal approval once you're gone. Put it in writing. 

 10. Be sure your spouse has the information they will need to handle the estate. This is the time to share any secrets you've been keeping about insurance policies, bank accounts, or money that's hidden behind the wall. You can't take it with you, anyway, so let your family know. It might be the very thing that keeps them from losing the house. 

They say that a dying man never regrets not spending more time at work. Instead, he regrets not spending more time with his family. So it makes sense that if you knew you were dying, or that your time was limited, you would forget about the daily grind and focus on your family. Getting your relationships in order should be your first priority. Not only do you not have control over your own mortality, but you don't have control over the lives of others. We always think we'll get around to saying or doing this or that, but if you talk to someone who's suffered a loss, they will all tell you there's so much more they would have done, if they had known they wouldn't be with that loved one again. Maybe it's just that final hug as they walked out the door, or the final "I love you," as they drove away. Whatever it is that you need to do to make things right with your loved ones, do it now. The clock is ticking and unlike Superman, we don't have the ability to rewind and change the course of history.  

10 Facts Funeral Directors Don't Want You to Know

10 Facts Funeral Directors Don’t Want You to Know

By:  Ellen Goodstein – www.bankrate.com

1. Shopping around for funeral services can save you thousands of dollars.
   1. Funeral directors must provide a price list
   2. Shop around.
   3. Get price lists by phone or in person from at least 3 funeral homes before making a decision.
2. Funeral directors are not clergy.
   1. They’re in the business to make money
   2. Be sure they are licensed and have a good reputation
   3. Speak with the funeral director before visiting
3. Embalming is rarely required when the person will be buried within 24-48 hours.
   1. US & Canada are the only countries who embalm.
      1. Centers for Disease Control says embalming doesn’t serve any public health purpose
      2. Refrigeration is a legal alternative – just as good if not better
      3. Embalming not required for viewing – except in MN
      4. Know your rights!
4. Seeing your loved one prior to burial without the benefit of embalming will not leave you with unresolved grief issues.
   1. This is a myth!
   2. Embalming is extremely invasive – it is a temporary cosmetic and preservative process.
5. Sealed caskets cannot preserve a body
   1. The cost of “seals” is about $12.
   2. Sealed caskets cost hundreds of dollars more than unsealed caskets.
   3. Caskets cannot protect or preserve the body!
   4. Sealer vaults offer no advantage except to the income of the funeral director.
6. A funeral provider may not refuse or charge a fee to handle a casket you bought elsewhere.
   1. You can buy a casket from anyone.  Even the internet.www.journeycaskets.com
   2. Federal “funeral rule” says it is illegal to charge a handling fee if you bring your own casket.
7. You don’t need to spend more than $400 to $600 for a modest casket.
   1. A $1295 casket can be purchased wholesale for $325
   2. Low-priced caskets hidden or ordered in ugly colors
8. You do not have to buy the whole bundle of services
9. You can plan and carry out many things on your own to honor your loved one without paying for services from a funeral home.
   1. Save money by doing it yourself
   2. It’s more personal
10. Local funeral and memorial societies can help consumers find ethical establishments and often negotiate discounts for their members.
    1. Funeral Consumers Alliance – 115 chapters in 46 states
    2. Run by volunteers
    3. Have info on local funeral homes & price surveys
    4. In Houston, the FCA of Houston is at 5200 Fannin.
    5. Phone:   713-526-4267   or   888-282-4267

Funerals: A Consumer Guide

This information is provided by the  Federal  Trade Commission. 

“When a loved one dies, grieving family members and friends often are confronted with dozens of decisions about the funeral – all of which must be made quickly and often under great emotional duress. What kind of funeral should it be? What funeral provider should you use? Should you bury or cremate the body, or donate it to science? What are you legally required to buy? What other arrangements should you plan? And, as callous as it may sound, how much is it all going to cost?    Each year, Americans grapple with these and many other questions as they spend billions of dollars arranging more than 2 million funerals for family members and friends. The increasing trend toward pre-need planning – when people make funeral arrangements in advance – suggests that many consumers want to compare prices and services so that ultimately, the funeral reflects a wise and well-informed purchasing decision, as well as a meaningful one. “ Read full article here:  Funerals:  A Consumer Guide